What Happened When I Took My Boyfriend To A Swingers' Resort

For most of the year, Hedonism II is a low-key nudist resort in Negril, Jamaica, for mostly middle-aged Americans, many of whom return annually to let it all hangout. But for two hypersexual weeks a year, it hosts couples ready to throw back a few shots at the open bar, expose their asses to the elements, and … have sex with one another. This is the fourth semiannual Young Swingers Week.

I was there with Mike, my monogamous boyfriend of two years (OK, that's not his real name). We'd discussed threesomes before but only in that spit balling-ideas way, like "Maybe we should get a hypoallergenic dog!" We were locked in a hetero-normative stalemate: I'd prefer an extra guy; Mike would prefer adding a girl. As we unpacked in the hotel room, I knew we were both wondering if the answer might be one of each.

The next morning, I met (and attempted not to stare at the penis of) Brett, the founder of Young Swingers Week. Blond, well-built ("Can you put my age as 40ish?"), and positively vibrating with frat-bro positivity, he is based in Florida and runs YSW with his wife, Lesley, a travel agent who now books for the weeks full-time. Eventually, he hopes to make this his main gig, but right now, his primary source of income is website design. (They requested we use just their first names.)

Brett had booked 40 rooms for the first YSW but wound up selling 100. About 350 people attended the March 2016 YSW, part of Hedonism II's push to appeal to a younger, more upscale clientele, Brett explained. (Fees start at about $200 per person per day, not so different from other all-inclusive Jamaican resorts.) And yes, he was buck-naked the whole time he was telling me this. Then he gave me and Mike necklaces with green beads, signifying our potential status as a "soft swap" couple — meaning no penetration, only kissing, oral, and "everything but."

The first couple we met were Alex, 30, a curvy social worker, and her husband, Michael, 39, who works at a major technology company. The two are from Pittsburgh and wore necklaces with red beads, signifying their status as "full swap." They've been married for six years and joined the lifestyle shortly after the birth of their son, now 3. "My sex drive went up after I had the baby," Alex told me. Contrary to the stereotype that non-monogamy is the guy's call, it was Alex who suggested they spice it up. "He's gonna be mine forever. But has another penis entered my vagina since we got married? Yep."

There are two kinds of swingers, Alex and Michael explained: sexual swingers, who are strictly DTF, and social swingers like them, who like to get to know a couple before they jump into bed. "We like to ask them to sit with us at dinner," she explained. We sat with them at dinner.

Each dinner had a theme, like "schoolgirl and schoolboy night," "fetish night," "hats and heels night." The result was surreal: men in mesh tank tops, and grown women in pigtails and Lucite heels lining up with buffet plates in hand. Mike and I were one of the few couples who remained in civilian dress.

By night three, Alex and Michael had become our de facto guides, explaining the lifestyle's lingo, traditions, and safe-sex practices. Alex says that everyone uses condoms and gives full disclosure: "I'd tell people right up front if I had an STI." Swing unto others the way you want others to swing unto you. Or something.

After our third dinner, Mike and I went back to the hotel room (alone), and I brushed my teeth (not a euphemism).

"I might be full of myself," I gurgled through the foam, "but I think they want to swing with us."

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